


Come home to me

by Lady_danvers



Series: My life would suck without you [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Drugs, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff, Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-04 03:34:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12762279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_danvers/pseuds/Lady_danvers
Summary: This is the sequel to my life would suck without you.Teen motherhood. Single parenting. A soldier on the other side of the world. And inner demons haunting poor Maggie Sawyer.Between relapsing back into her past traumas and her lover being far away and always in danger.Maggie is going insane without HER.





	1. My Jamie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Book cover for story here https://instagram.com/p/BcRFR6qlJ8-/

"Push. Push. Push!"

Sounds of a woman's crying fill the room. But then are immediately replaced by soft little cries. 

\----

 

A beautiful baby. With beautiful hair and beautiful Skin. 

My love. 

My everything!

"My beautiful Jamie."

I smile down at the baby as I run my thumb along her soft cheek. 

Her little eyes weren't open yet. But my little bundle was squirming around and making little squeaking noises. 

I got the biggest smile on my face. This is probably the happiest day of my life. "Hi." I say quietly and full of joy. "I'm your mommy." 

Tears come to my eyes for a moment, as I remember the one thing that would make this day even better. 

My baby wasn't here. 

Not the baby I just delivered. But the love my life. 

"I wish you could meet your momma too." My smile faltered. But then I shook the feelings away. "We will talk to her soon my love. I cant wait for her to meet you." 

I giggle as I move my hand up to my babies head. 

I run my fingers through her soft locks and gaze at the color of her hair. "Wow." I breath. "Your hair reminds me of something." I shook my head in disbelief as I smile at Jamie's very dark brown hair that had red hues all through it.

 

 

"Danvers!"

Alex's eyes shoot open. She immediately jolts awake and throws the sheets off herself. Standing quickly and raising her hand to solute her superior officer. 

"Yes sir!" Alex shouts as she looks straight ahead.

Her S.O. Walks up to her and nods. "At ease, Soldier." 

Alex's body immediately relaxes afterwards, but she keeps looking forward. 

"I believe you have a personal meeting. Loved ones? I wouldn't want to be late if I were you." The S.O. drops his serious face and flashes Alex a small smile. 

"Thank you! Sir!" 

The S.O. smile falters and quickly goes back to a serious expression. "That's colonel to you! Trainee! Now 50 pushups!" The S.O. Points to the ground. 

Alex jumps down to the cold, hard stone floor and quickly gets into her pushup position. But then her S.O. Interrupts her by putting his boot on her back. 

Alex looks up to see what he's doing.

"...With one arm." He smirks. 

The red head internally screams and drops her head. She adjusts her body so she can balance her weight properly onto her right arm. 

The S.O. still hasn't removed his boot, but Alex starts anyways. 

"1!" The S.O. Shouts.

 

 

"Do you think she's coming!?" Kara asks as she paces nervously across the room for the millionth time. 

"Of course she's coming. Honey please sit down. You're making me nervous just by watching you." Mrs Danvers said to Kara. 

I look away from the pair and back at the door where my eyes had been for a while. I sigh and look down. I don't want to feel disappointed. Its been a while since I've seen Alex. Jamie is almost 3 months old. It's practically been a year since I saw my beloved and I was growing more than impatient to see her. 

"Maggie." 

A calm voice breaks my thoughts. I look up and i'm greeted by happy, blue eyes and a sunny smile. 

"Are you okay?" Kara asks me.

I nod, and then look back down for a second and focus my gaze on my little bundle of joy, who happened to be sleeping peacefully. I look back up at the girl and smile. 

"I'm more than okay little Danvers." 

Seems impossible but Kara's smile only grew. "Im glad. I cant wait for Alex to meet my little niece!" Kara said full of excitement. 

I quirk my eyebrow. "Auntie Kara, huh?" 

Kara puts her hands on her hips and stands tall and holds her head high. "The best auntie ever!" 

"You'll have to take that up with my auntie!" I smile happily at the thought of another dear person in my life. One I should visit soon. 

"Perhaps." Kara grins. "Challenge excepted." She says a little to loud. 

"Shhh!" 

Kara and I look over at the one person in the room that could have made the noise. 

"Sweetie, please don't wake the baby!" Mrs Danvers says practically in a whisper. 

Kara immediately nods. "Sorry." She gives her a nervous smile. 

 

 

As soon as Alex finishes her pushups she immediately gets up. Well. More like she tries and... fails. 

Her S.O. just slowly shoves her back to the floor with his boot. "Not so fast speedy. This will teach you next time to remember and refer to me in the proper way. AM I CLEAR TRAINEE!" 

"YES SI- COLONEL!" Alex shouts back, catching herself before she made her mistake again.

The S.O. lifts his foot and allows Alex to get up. When she stands the S.O. pats her on the back, and not softly either. He chuckles before he speaks. "Good. Now! Go see your family. That's an order!" He points over at the door that leads out and down the hall.

Alex stands straight up immediately and salutes him. "Yes Colonel! Thank you Colonel!" Then she was off. Down the hall. With the biggest smile on her face. 

She was so excited that she was squealing down the hall. But quickly contained herself as to not make a scene in front of the other trainees. 

She turns a corner and immediately slips, and slides into the wall. Smacking against it with harsh clapping sound, against the tiled floor. 

"This is what I get for not grabbing my boots first." She whines as she grips her rib cage and whimpers at the pain in other parts of her body. 

But she quickly shakes it off and continues her way down the hall. This time with a little more caution. 

She can see the visiting area just ahead. She quickly picks up the pace. But remembers to be careful to not smack into the wall and floor again. 

 

 

I rock my beautiful baby back and forth and hum a little tune. Im sitting at a small table alone in the back of the private visiting area. Kara and Mrs Danvers had left a couple minutes ago to go get some more formula for Jamie and a few photos Mrs Danvers really wanted to show her daughter. 

While I rock my baby I hear what sounds like a thud, off in the distance. But it doesn't faze me.

I give my baby a kiss and then put her back into her seat and buckle her in. I make sure she's got her covers on, and I pick up her seat and set her down on the chair next to mine. 

I was gonna sing her a song, but then I stop as I hear the doors open. At first I thought it was Kara and Mrs Danvers coming back from getting the milk and photos. But next thing I know I'm being lifted off the ground and squeezed into a tight hug. "Oh my god!" I grunt as I grab the mysterious persons shoulders to balance myself. 

"Maggie!" 

The person says before they set me down. 

My eyes go wide at the sweet sound of the persons voice. I come face to face with her and I am overwhelmed by so many emotions. I gaze into her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes. 

I have no words. 

I just breath, and the first instinct that comes to mind is to pull her in close. So that's what I do. I pull her in and I kiss her. Like i've never kissed anyone in my life. Like my small insignificant life depended on it. 

"I missed you!" I say as I pull away, just to pull her back in; by the fabric of her tank top, and I kiss her once more. "Mm! So much!" I finish finally, looking up at her.

Alex's eyes are still closed, and her brows are furrowed. I wonder if she is in heaven right now, like I am. A moment pasts and she just stands their, like she never wanted this moment to end. Then, she finally opens her eyes and looks down at me. 

"Hello Mags." Alex smiles. 

My eyes widen as I remember one of the most important reasons why we're here. "Hello baby!" My smile grows. "Do you want to meet her." I clasp my hands together in anticipation. I feel all giddy inside and excited. My little family will finally be together for the first time. 

I move to the side and Alex's face lights up as Jamie comes into view. 

"Oh Maggie." Alex shakes her head, then she steps forward, and looks down at the sleeping baby. "She's even more beautiful in person!" 

I come up behind her and rest my hands on my lovers shoulders. "Do you want to hold her?" 

I rub my thumbs over her shoulders soothingly. Quickly noticing how much more muscular my girlfriend is now. I blush, but quickly go back to what I was thinking before. 

Alex nods. She reaches down but hesitates some before reaching for her. 

I watch closely. I wanted to tell Alex that it's okay, that she doesn't have to be nervous around our baby. But she already seemed to know that. Instead, I slide my arms around her waste and rest my face on the side of her shoulder. 

Alex unbuckles Jamie and then scoops her up. She smiles down at the baby, and I just hold her from behind, as I watch the two together. 

We stay like that for a while. With Alex bouncing the baby. And me cuddled up behind, watching. 

She looked like she was so lost in her. 

I almost fall asleep just standing there. I forgot how comforting Alex's body was. And not in a dirty way either. Alex is one of the only few people that can calm me down from a panic attack or a night terror. She is my protector, my everything. Alex would only have to be in the same room with me and that'd be enough to calm me down. 

 

A clicking sound brings us out of our trance and I jump, the noise startling me. Alex turns her head and glances at me and then over at where the noise was coming from. 

She saw Kara holding a Polaroid instant camera.

The blonde was currently shaking the picture to get it to develop faster. 

"Kara!" Alex says happily.

She walks over towards her sister and leans in for a hug. 

Kara wraps her arms around her sister. But makes sure to stay clear of her niece, being careful not to hurt the baby. 

"How is it you two always manage to be the cutest couple I know?" Kara smiles. When they pull apart she holds up the photo for her sister to see. 

"Beautiful!" Alex smiles. 

Kara leans off to the side and looks at me from behind Alex. "Don't worry, I'll make a copy for you." Kara smiles as she reaches toward me and hands me the picture, so I could see it. 

I smile back as I take the photo from her. "Beautiful is right!" I say as a tear runs down my cheek. I couldn't shake the strange feeling. Something was trying to resurface. But I didn't know what that was. But I did know the feelings weren't good ones. 

"Alex!" 

I look up at the sudden voice coming through the room. 

"Mom!" Alex says as she hands the baby gently to Kara, and then runs to her mother. She pulls her in for a tight hug. 

"Alright Alexandra! I'm not dead yet, but you might just kill me!" 

Alex giggles as she lightens her grip. "Sorry. I guess I don't know my own strength anymore." 

As I watch the pair, I smile. Kara walks over to me and hands me my daughter. I smile at her and thank her, and then take my baby. 

I look down into her eyes, and I get that bad feeling. And for the first time I remember... it again. It's been months. All that counseling. All those sleepless nights spent crying in Alex's bed, in her arms and the nights when I cried myself to sleep. The thoughts I swore were gone months ago, were now back. They were back and for the first time I realize how my baby is a reminder of that. She's the byproduct of that.

She's a mista...

NO! I can't let myself think like that! I cant-

"Maggie?" 

I look up at the sound of my name. 

Alex and Mrs Danvers quickly look over at us. The concern in Kara's voice must have worried them.

Alex steps forward "Maggie? What's wrong!?" Concern filled her eyes. 

I was breathing hard and tears were pouring down my face. My eyes widen as my lovers face quickly shifts into someone else's, familiar. Someone's very scary. 

But only for a moment. 

I turn away; unable to look, and I walk over to the chair to put my baby back in her seat. I buckle her in, and I shake as I do so. But I try to steady my breathing. I don't want to ruin this night. 

I wont. 

No one will know. They cant... 

When I finish buckling Jamie in, I feel a hand gently caress my shoulder. I turn slightly and then press the side of my face into her chest. I lift my hand up from in front of me and wrap it around the back of her neck. 

"I missed you!" I whisper the words from before again. 

I couldn't see, but I could hear what was happening behind Alex.

"Come on sweetie. Lets give them some alone time." Mrs Danvers' voice could be heard faintly. 

I hear nothing from Kara. I assume she nods and follows her adoptive mother towards the door.

"Sweetie we'll be back in a half an hour." 

Alex turns her head slightly to speak. "Alright." Then she turns back to me. Me being her main priority at that moment. She knew I felt embarrassed when others saw me at my lowest, so that's why she stepped in and blocked me from their view. 

As soon as I hear the door shut I turn completely and face Alex. My lover brings her hands down to cup my face and I wrap my hands around her waist to hold her close. "I missed you." I say for the third time, but this time barely audible. But I knew Alex heard me. 

"You're safe." Alex says as she runs her thumbs along my cheek. "I wont let anything hurt you." 

I breath. 

My lungs hurt and my heart is pounding in my ears. "I know." I breath slowly. Then I move into Alex's chest and bury my face into her, taking in her scent and making sure to remember every single detail about her. 

After a few minutes of silence Alex picks me up bridle style and takes me over to the couch that is by the wall. She sits down and puts me in her lap. 

I look at her, and I see so much love in her eyes as she reaches over to caress my face. 

"I love you. And I cant wait till I get that long vacation." Alex leans in and nuzzles her nose to mine. Making me giggle. She pulls away some, then leans down and buries her face in my neck, leaving little love bites along my skin. "I can love you in so many ways when the time comes." Alex says after she kisses my pulse point, causing me to jump. "I can help you take care of the baby. Or better yet, I can let you relax and I watch her for you." Alex runs her hands up the sides of my arms, massaging me. 

I furrow my eyebrows and wrap my arms around her head. "You know how to make me feel so good." I whimper. 

"Mm of course I do." Alex shifts her head up and kisses my lips. "It's my job to." 

I didn't want to say it. I knew if I did Alex wouldn't forget about it for the rest of her time here. But I couldn't hold back. It was what I felt. I look away and then speak.

"Please don't go." 

I sit their and wait for a response. But she doesn't say anything. A few seconds later I hear muffled cries. My eyes widen and I look back over at her. The sight horrifies me. I shake my head quickly and reach out to Alex's face to wipe away the quickly falling tears. 

"Al, no! Please don't cry." 

Alex smiles at me for a moment. But then her smile falls. "I- It..." 

Alex was going to say something important to me. But she held back. Why? 

Alex hesitates to speak. But then she finally does. "I'm so glad you guys came to see me." She smiles sadly, then pulls me close to her.

I could tell she was hiding something. But I didn't want to pry. She was under enough stress. I couldn't burden her more. 

I felt disappointment run through me. I thought after all these months she would confide in me. But maybe she needs more time? Or maybe shes fine, and it's just all in my head. 

"We're always here for you, my love." I smile at her. I lean in and press our foreheads together. "I will always be here for you." 

 

\----

 

But... That didn't last long. After all, it was nine months ago and the only time I've seen her after that was over video chats and talking over phone calls. She promised me she'd try, and try to see us in person. But those promises kept being forgotten. 

I kept being forgotten... 

And I need her now more than ever. The nightmares they keep me up at night. The paranoia of what could happen next. 

If he gets out of jail. If my parents take me away, or worse my baby! 

Or if Alex gets taken away... forever. 

The thoughts plague my mind. My heart thumps in my chest and I suddenly feel like I'm falling. 

"Alex!" I scream as I jolt awake. 

The rushing thoughts flooding my brain quickly wake me. 

My heart pounds in my ears and it feels like I cant breath. 

Kara quickly comes in and rushes to my side. 

"Hey, hey! It's okay! It was just a bad dream!" She says to try and calm me while pulling me in softly for a hug. 

But the thing was, it wasn't just a dream. It was my honest thoughts. My worries. 

The things that shaped themselves into different forms throughout the day, tormenting me, and attacking my mind at night. 

I wish I could tell you not to go! I wish I could just keep you here with me. With your family! Alex please come back!

"I need you!" I cry in an almost whisper as I let Kara hold me. 

"I know, its okay. I'm here." Kara says. Assuming I was talking to her. 

But this Danvers isn't the Danvers I need. I need my Alex in my arms. 

I need my soldier to come home to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well theres the first chapter. I almost didn't do it and definitely because of what happened in the show:( but I thought now is probably the best time to do it. I've also been busy with work and life in general. Sorry about that :/ But hopefully I can stick with this. I'm just sorry it took me so long to want to come back to this. I'm not sure what I will be doing with my other stories. 
> 
> But back to this, I've changed the way I wrote. To try something new and see If I like it. I wasnt a fan of the fact that I'd write in past tense for a while. So yesterday I decided to change it. And it worked really well and Is actually easier to word then past tense. I also put this story into Maggie's pov. And that helps even more. Of course it wasn't 100% easy. I'm still learning. 
> 
> So of course give me constructive criticism if you see a mistake. And let me know what you think of this so far. I'm just setting it up and my plans keep changing for it. So we will have to see what happens next in the 2nd chapter :D


	2. Motherhood isnt as easy as it appears...

I lay in bed. Thinking about so many things. But specifically what the hell am I'm gonna do today. It's been a while since I've hung out with anybody here. Or did anything social. 

To be fair I don't really have any friends here. Acquaintances sure. Friends, nope. 

I could go mess around with Sara. She's fun to be around. But she also has a thing for my girl. 

Sooo no. 

There's Lena. She's cool. But then she'll probably start talking about all this science crap. I also cant put my finger on it. But I swear she has like hundred potential lovers after her. With James breaking up with Lucy after she moved away. Those two grown close. And they're always smiling at each other in a weird way. 

But there's also the new trio. Kara, Lena and the new girl, Sam. She's a teen mom like me too. Except she's a year older than me and her baby, Ruby is two. 

Sam and Lena seem very close. And apparently they were friends long before she even moved here. 

But there's also little... not so little anymore, Kara. She seems to really enjoy Sam's company and likes her as a friend. But she also seems a little jealous. Which doesn't suite her well.

So yeah not going down that rabbit hole anytime soon. Doesn't help the two I'd even wanna hang with is in school right now. 

And I'm stuck here alone.

I had finished my online schooling a while ago. I got that done in about three hours now, so I had all day of nothing.

Oh! Maybe I could text Alex and see what she's up too. 

I get up and walk over to my... Alex's dresser and I grab my iphone. 

I remember how Alex had surprised me with it when she mailed it in. I couldn't believe it. She would spend practically a 1000$ on a phone for me? Just because I like a certain brand? 

I really need to step up my game. Didn't help that almost a month later she sent me a gorgeous bracelet. One that even I'd like. Which is tough, because I'm not as girly as I used to be. 

I come back to reality and realize why I came over here in the 1st place. I turn and make my way over to her closet. 

I fish for one of her leather jackets. I grab her second favorite one and I put it around my shoulders. Then I head straight back to her bed. 

I cuddle up in the jacket and I wrap it around myself. I take in the scent, but frown. It doesn't really smell like her anymore. Either that or I'm starting to go nose blind to it. To be fair I do practically live in her room. 

As soon as I'm comfy I bring my phone towards my face and I text her out a message. 

'Hey Al! You free to talk?'

I really hope she answers. I stare at my phone for a few minutes. 

Still nothing. 

I sigh. Turning it off and setting it down on the nightstand next to me. I turn in the bed and face the wall. I grip her jacket tighter to my body.  
I've been taking these pills lately, that keep me from having panic attacks. But it doesn't help with the seeing faces thing. So for that, I resorted to drinking. Which I know is stupid. But thats how desperate I am. 

I have to sneak the alcohol behind Mrs Danvers back. I know if she found out, there'd be hell to pay.

It's also not the greatest thing to take with my pills. But you know what, yolo. 

But the pills aren't something I'd wanna take. I don't think they help that well. 

Sometimes I have major panic attacks. And they scare me ten times more then before. Because they are so built up and random. And because they don't happen as much as they used too.

These stupid pills also make me very tired. 

So on top of me not getting enough sleep, between my nightmares and the baby crying. I'm practically a zombie during the day. 

"I just need a few minutes..." I close my eyes and I instantly feel the chronic fatigue hit me. It's so strong I could fall asleep in seconds.

*crash!* "Wahhhhh!" 

I jolt awake, my eyes shoot open. And my heart is racing, it hurts. I quickly jump out of bed and run to my babies room. I faintly hear my phone when its starts ringing. But getting to my baby is all I thought about at the moment.

"Jamie!" I shout as I run to her nursery. She was crying so loudly. As soon as I get in there I scoop her up in my arms. I bounce her to try and calm her down. 

I remember the crashing sound from earlier and I look around and realize that there's glass all over the floor. I move carefully, not to step on any of it. 

"What the fu-" I turn and I see that the window is broken. My eyes go wide. I lean down some and look out the window. I see a couple of kids riding bikes and laughing. One of them lifts their hand and throws a rock. This one would've hit Jamie in the head if it wasn't for the fact that I moved out of the way. 

The rock instead hits a glass frame on the wall. Shattering it and making it fall to the floor. I look down at it, then at Jamie; who was crying even louder now. 

I look back over at the kids outside who were laughing their asses off and throwing rocks at other things. 

I quickly become angry and I turn. I see the first rock they threw, is by the door frame. This only made me angrier as I walk down the stairs as fast as I possibly can. I put Jamie in her seat and I go over and grab Kara's bebe gun that is locked in a cabinet; that I had the keys to, I take it out and I quickly open the front door. 

"Hey!" I shout. 

The kids look over at me and there eyes go wide. 

I point the gun at them and I pretend like I'm going to shoot them. "I swear to god, If you pieces of shit don't get out of here and go back to school, I am going to give you hell." I cock the gun and walk forward as I say the last part through my teeth. 

The kids all scream. They quickly turn and take off on their bikes. Riding as fast as they can, away from me. 

I snarl as I lower the gun. I shake my head and I turn. I hurry back inside. Realizing I just left the door open for anyone to see. And my babies on the table by the door. 

A rush inside and close the door I grab Jamie's seat and carry her upstairs with me. She's crying like crazy and her little whines are shooting straight through my skull. "Okay okay! Jamie please!" I beg my daughter. 

As soon as I enter the room I close the door behind me. I put the gun against the dresser and I hurry towards the bed. I take Jamie out and I lay her on the bed. I try calming her down by rubbing soothing patterns along her little body. "Hey, hey. Shhhh. Its okay. I made the mean people go away." I whisper to her. I lean down to cuddle her. Hoping me being close will soothe her. 

And fortunately enough her cries get quieter. And slowly she stops and is left with a few whimpers here and there. 

It's all quiet in the room. I sigh in relief. But then I feel a tug on my hair. "Huh? Ow!" I angle my head and I see that Jamie is playing with the long strands. "Baby, no." I giggle. She tugs on it again and I wince in pain. I pull my hair from her little hands. 

I get nervous because her face starts to scrunch up like she was gonna cry again. But I act quickly. I reach over towards her seat and grab the little colorful toy keys in one of the pockets. 

I dangle and shake them a little, above her. "Here chew on these." I say as she reaches up for them, and giggles. I lower them to her with the biggest smile on my face. 

I giggle. "Hehe! You're so damn cute!" I kiss her face over and over again. Her little giggles turn into happy baby squeals. 

I am so happy right now. Even if I was infuriated before. Jamie had a way with making me calmer. Just like her momma did. 

Almost like it was on cue, my phone rings. I look up at the night stand and I get up to grab my phone. I look at the screen but it says unknown number. I click on the answer button. Normally I wouldn't answer unknown callers. 

But it could be Alex.

"Hello?" I say to the other person on the other end. 

"Hey Mags! I called earlier, but no one answered. You had me worried."

"Alex!" I say excitedly. "Yeah... I was having some trouble with some kids. They were... You know what never mind. How are you?" I didn't want to bring this up to her. I really didn't want Alex getting upset. "We... haven't talked in a while." I say a little sadly. 

There's a pause on the other end. "Yeah. Yeah we haven't."

Alex sounded sad. 

"But, the good news is I'm getting that vacation soon!" She says a little more cheerfully. "I can come see you guys! Mags I get five weeks! Isn't that great!?" 

It was great. But... was it wrong for me to want her here longer? "Yeah. That is great Al." I say softly. The emotions start to get to me and I feel a lump in my throat and tears well up in my eyes. "I cant wait to see you." My voice is a little shaky. 

There's another pause on her end. "Maggie? What's wrong? Are you not happy?" 

My eyes widen. "Alex! Baby, no! These are happy tears!" I lie. "I'm just so happy I get to see you! When will you be back?" I need to know. I haven't seen her in so long. 

"I'll be home after thanksgiving." 

My heart stops. That's a week away! I scream excitedly. I'm sure I shattered Alex's ears through the phone. "Oh my god! I'm so excited. Dammit Danvers! This week can't go by any faster!" I turn and look over at Jamie. She seemed to not care about my screaming. She was so occupied with her snack of colorful keys to even notice. 

I turn back and focus on Alex right now. I hear her giggle on the other end. "I'm glad to hear it! I cant wait to hold you and Jamie in my arms!" 

I lean against the wall. Just thinking about it made me weak to my knees. "Danvers please. Or you're gonna make me reach through this phone and pull your cute little ass over here." 

"Little!? Last time I checked you're always saying how big and nice it is!" 

"Baby you say that to me." I laugh. "It's your boobies that are big and nice. Your ass is toned as hell! But very good to say the least!" 

Alex laughs on the other end. "You are such a perv!" 

"Yes." I grin. "But I'm your perv. So who's more at fault here?" 

"Well I guess I am for being attracted to the first person to drill in a peep hole!" 

"That was an accident! How was I supposed to know you were naked?"

"Maggie, I was in the bathroom and you were using a very loud power tool to drill a hole in the wall, because you were 'hanging up art'."

I try to come up with a comeback, but I submit because she's right. "I was pregnant and hormonal. Leave me alone!" 

"Yeah? And now I have a nice hole in my wall I have to cover up with two pictures, on both sides." Alex laughs. 

We don't say anything for a while. Mostly because I cant think of what else to talk about. But then Alex speaks again. 

"I love you, Maggie Sawyer. So much! And I love Jamie too." 

I smile, but then it falls. I was hoping Alex would say something more. But I guess I'll have to wait till she comes home to have a more serious conversation with her. "I love you more! And Jamie loves you too! Please stay safe."

"I will. Oh! And Maggie. Did you get my letter?" 

 

I smile at the thought. "Yes I did. It was so sweet. And I got the beautiful picture. Thank you." 

"You're absolutely welcome. Oh and hey I have to go now. We're moving out. I'm gonna say it again because it'll never get old. But I love you." 

I felt a little disappointed. We didn't get to talk that long today. "Okay. I'll let you go. And I love you forever and always. Talk soon?" 

"Of course! I'll call when I get the chance. Goodbye Maggie." 

Tears ran down my cheek when Alex said that. "Okay. Goodbye Alex." I smile, then I ended the call. I turn and slide down the wall. 

I put my hands over my face and sit there for a few minutes. I let the tears come and then I make them stop. 

I wipe the tears away and then I stand back up. I look over at Jamie for a moment before I walk over to Alex's desk. I pull out the envelope and I sit down. 

I pull the contents out from it and place them out on the desk. I look at photo Alex sent me. It was her in her military uniform. She kissed it before she sent it to me. So it was lipstick stained in the lower right corner. In the upper left corner Alex had written a sweet little message. 'To my beautiful Maggie.' I run my fingers along the writing. The way Alex wrote was just so gorgeous! I played with the corner in the upper left, so there was curl on that side.

I place the photo down and I pick up the letter that was with it. The same handwriting that was on the photo was on this letter. 

I've read this probably over a million times. But I need to read it again. 

This letter was different from the other ones. Most of those were written about what she was up to and what happened at her camp or the town she was in. This one though, was very special. Alex wrote it about me:

 

Dear Maggie,

 

The day I return to you will be a special one. I cant wait to see your beautiful smiling face again. And not over a screen this time. But in person. 

I don't know when I'll get that vacation yet, but I'll call as soon as I hear anything. I don't have a way to contact you other than this. So, here we go. But who ever said old fashion was bad? It's very... romantic, I guess. If you're into that sort of thing. 

God I miss you and our precious baby. Tell mom and Kara that I miss them too and that Kara is so gonna get beat at Mario kart when I get home. 

I love you so much! All I can think about is your laugh. Is that weird? That's one of the few things that keep me warm at night, when we are camped out in the dessert. 

Just the way you laugh. The sound. The way your eyes squint. Everything! I think about your elegant and soft hands. That thing you do when you get nervous. Where you play with your hair and twirl it in your fingers. 

I just... You keep me so calm during these nights. You make me feel like I'm home even when I'm a million miles away. You make me feel like the wait will be worth it. Even though its killing me not to see or hear you.

Give our baby a kiss for me. I hope to talk with you soon my love. 

Sincerely and forever yours,

A.

 

 

Tears fell from my eyes as I read over the letter. This came so long ago. And I am just now getting to talk to her.

I sigh. 

I put the letter back in the envelope, but before I put the photo back I grab it and I take it over to the bed with me. I sit by Jamie who is now playing with her feet, and I look at the photo. 

Next week cant get here soon enough...

 

"Maggie? Why is there glass in the nursery? Are you two okay!?" 

I turn my head and I hear mrs Danvers shouting to me from Jamie's room. 

"Why is the window broken!" 

My eyes widen. 

"Crap." 

 

\----

 

Tonight Jamie's sleeping in my room. She isn't happy about it either. She kept crying and I had to take her out of her crib. 

I haven't slept since yesterday and that was for an hour. I am so tired! "Jamie please! Go to sleep." I say as I bounce her. 

Me and Mrs Danvers cleaned up the glass in Jamie's room, earlier. But we still needed the window fixed and no one can come until tomorrow. 

So we taped a garbage bag around the window and we locked her door. 

But no way is she sleeping there. 

I had told her and Kara about Alex coming home, and they were so giddy and excited. 

Though Kara seemed a little strange about it.

But I didn't think too much into it. 

 

"Wahhhh!" 

Jamie's crying pulls me out of my thoughts. And I realize she peed herself. "Oh god!" I run over to the supplies I put on the desk earlier. I grab a towel and lay it down on the bed, setting Jamie down on top of it. 

I grab her some fresh diapers and a new oncie.

I take off her dirty diaper and I wipe her down. I put her new diaper on and then her clothes. I grab her swaddle and wrap her in the blanket. Clipping it to the collard area of her pj's. 

But she still keeps crying. And it only gets louder. 

A minute later I hear a knock on the door. "Come in!" 

I look over to see who it is, it's mrs Danvers. 

"I'm sorry if she's keeping you awake." I feel really bad. 

Mrs Danvers walks in and holds up a hand. She walks over to me. "Sweetie. I've had my fair share of babies keeping me up at night."

"Still. I am really sorry Mrs Danvers." I look down. I felt added weight onto the bed and I see Mrs Danvers sitting down next to me.

"Eliza. Please. You're family after all." She smiles at me. She reaches out for Jamie. But stops to be respectful. "May I?" 

I nod and smile at her. I hand her my baby and I watch as she bounces her up and down. 

"I don't know why she keeps crying." 

Eliza shook her head. "Sometimes babies just cry. There's nothing you can do but try your best to soothe them."

I nod. Taking in every once of advice she'd give me. Even though I've had Jamie for a while now. I was still not that great at this. 

I watch as Jamie stops crying. I feel relief come over me. But then a few seconds later I get that bad feeling I haven't gotten since I started taking those stupid pills. I look away from Jamie and slam my eyes shut. I really don't want Eliza to see me like this.

But its obvious she sees something. 

 

"Sweetie what's wrong?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I don't like this one as much as the first one. I hope the third one will be more entertaining. But of course I feel like the writer/artist is their worst critic. So maybe it'll be okay to you guys. I have some stuff planned for this story. Its just the process of filling stuff between it and I'm trying my best to properly pace it and not make it to much of anything. And to also keep sticking with present tense and to make sure its just one characters thoughts we see(In this case It's gonna be Maggie's) Maybe Alex's in one chapter. But we'll have to see. Till next time:)


	3. The miles between you and me

Tonight was a cold night. It was snowing, pretty heavily. 

Kara was home tonight and so was Eliza. Alex would be home sometime soon. But we just didn't know exactly when. 

We all wanted to go to the air port. But she didn't want us to. 

But that wasn't stopping me from putting on my coat and boots. 

"Sweetie? What are you doing?" 

I turn and see that Eliza had stood up from where she was sitting moments ago. 

"I've waited long enough for her. I can't wait anymore." It is as simple as that. I turn back to the door and grab the keys from the little table by the door. I sigh, as I hear footsteps coming my way. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn slightly and glance at it. 

"I'll come with you."

I hear Eliza say. 

I don't look at her. I just keep my gaze on her hand. 

"You don't have-"

Eliza interjects. "It wasn't a question sweetie." 

Now, I turn completely towards her. 

"Sweetheart, I don't want you to go out in that storm all by yourself. Especially when..." Eliza trails off. 

Everything has been just a little bit more awkward since I explained everything to her a week ago. 

I nod in defeat. It was nothing against her. But... I just wanted some alone time with Alex for a moment. Before all the chaos that I know will start when we get back. 

"Alright Kara make sure you check on Jamie, okay? She should sleep for a while." Eliza says to Kara, who's laying on the couch watching tv and looking bored as ever. 

Kara responds with a throaty "mm" not saying anything or looking at her mother at all. 

I see Eliza roll her eyes. She seems a little aggravated with Kara lately and I don't understand why. 

"I love you darling." Eliza says sweetly. Waiting for a response from her daughter. 

Kara's eyes move in Eliza's direction. Her almost cold and emotionless features, soften and she turns her head to match the direction of her gaze. She speaks softly and apologetically. "I love you too mom, be careful okay?"

Eliza nods. "I will. I promise." Then she turns and grabs her coat. 

I look at Kara for a moment before we leave. She looks so sad. And... maybe nervous. I don't understand it. This reminds me of a few nights ago. Kara came to mine and Alex's room and she tried to ask me something, but then changed her mind. I wonder if that has anything to do with it. 

"See ya, Kara." I smile at her, before heading out the door with Eliza behind me. 

 

 

The airport is a little over two hours away. So the ride there will be pretty long. It's also very scary because it was already pitch black out when we left, and the roads are pretty icy. 

We could see a couple cars in front of us drift on the highway. 

I don't know about Eliza. But my heart would stop for a moment every time that it'd happen. 

It's been a half hour since we left. And neither of us have said a word. I wonder if Eliza is mad at me, or something.

But I don't have the courage to talk with her right now. I wouldn't even know what to talk about. So I just get lost in thought as I look out the window. 

I giggle as I remember a night where I snuck out to go see Alex. I could barely see her at the time. As I was exiled by my parents to have any contact with her. 

But I didn't care. I wanted it to be a surprise, so Alex didn't even know. 

So there I was, just climbing up the side of my best friends house, big belly pregnant. 

And let me just say, it wasn't easy. Not only did I have to be careful not to be seen by either of my parents. Because if they did I'd get the shit beat out of me; 

Maybe... my dad held back now that I had a kid in my stomach. I think he'd take it out on my mom. But I couldn't be sure. And It wasn't something I wanna relive. 

But also climbing up a house on a shitty lattice with my belly pushing me back was very frightening. But yearning for Alex Danvers was stronger than that fear. 

I finally make it up to the roof. I could see into Alex's room from where I was. I could hear fast music playing.

As I walk closer the sight I see could make any hormonal pregnant lesbian go insane. But held it together. 

I peer into the window and there she is, in all her glory. She's doing push-ups, practically naked. 

Well... of course for her boxers and tight... sexy wife beater. 

I gulped before tapping the window. But it's no use because Alex can't hear me over the loud music. 

So I open the window and I climb in. And as best as I can I attempt to sneak up on her. 

The back of her is facing the window, so that helps. 

I walk softly over towards the fairly toned woman. I crouch down and I run my hand softly up her back. 

But. That was a mistake because next thing I know. Alex is turning really fast, and all of a sudden I'm pinned to the floor by my neck, with her over me. 

My eyes go wide and I blush at the wetness that immediately pools in between my legs. 

I shouldn't have, but I give her a little throaty moan. One that she could feel with her hand clasped around my throat.  

When Alex realizes it's me, she quickly moves away. Taking her hand from my neck and backing away some. "Maggie! I-I didn't know it was you. I'm sorry." 

I don't say anything for a moment. In fact I just lay there. Trying to process what just happened. I have the strongest feeling in between my legs. And I don't know what I should do. 

I speak quietly. "Alex?" 

Alex looks at me worriedly, as she clasps her hands over the other on her chest. Her brows furrow. "Yeah?" 

I can tell my face must be so red now. Because what I wanna ask is so embarrassing. "Can- can... you come back over here and do that again?" I pause before quickly adding. "If you want!" I can't even look straight at her. My eyes dart everywhere, I look at her every so often. To try and see her reaction. The next time I do, it looks like realization comes over her face, or so I assume. And she starts crawling over to me. 

"Like this?" She asks before she grabs my neck again. 

"Yeah. But a little harder." I ask as I grab at Alex's sides wanting her to come closer to me. 

Alex looks hesitant at first, but then she does it harder, making sure not to hurt me of course. "This okay?" 

I try and nod. Or at least a little. Her hand restricting my movements. "Come closer." I whisper. 

She leans in and I slowly push her head down towards me, until our lips are inches apart. With a shaky breath I speak. "Can... can you. Um." 

"Yeah?" Alex says to get me to say it. 

"-make love to me?" I ask now. Feeling super embarrassed. 

I expect Alex to get nervous as well. But she doesn't. She just nods and leans down, taking my lips in hers. I feel her other hand dart down my body. She starts moving her hand above my pants, teasing me. 

I whimper, breaking our kiss to speak. I rub soothing circles on the back of her head. "Alex. I missed you." 

She keeps teasing me with her hand. She leans down and rests her forehead on mine. "I missed you more." She says then removes her hands from between my legs and my neck and gets up. She holds out a hand for me to take and I smile. I take it into mine and she pulls me up, a little fast. But she wraps her other arm around my waist to stop me from moving. I instinctively bring my other arm up to the back of her neck. 

Where basically in a dancing position now. Alex removes her hand from mine for a moment and grabs her phone. She changes the song on her speakers and turns the volume down some. 

She looks at me and smiles, then she tosses her phone on her bed, never breaking her gaze. Then she takes my hand back into hers. She begins swaying and I follow. 

We laugh and kiss as we dance in her room. 

I take my hand from here and I bring it up slowly to meet my other arm, around her neck. As I do this she brings her other arm around my waist. And we just gaze into the each other's eyes. 

Alex removes her hands from my waste and brings them up between us and cups the sides of my face, pulling me in for a kiss. 

 

Almost every night I would sneak out to see Alex. Weekly Library visits and secret make out sessions in the back weren't enough. 

I needed to be with her. 

My parents caught me one day, they'd ground me and yell at me and my father even back handed me in the face. But that just made me leave more. And eventually they  gave up. They just... decided saving money, space and time trumped the hatred they had for homosexuals and the idea of me being in a lesbian relationship. 

They sat me down... well I didn't sit. I stood cautiously by my door frame. 

My parents literally told me. "You're almost eighteen. If you wanna be in a sinful relationship then go ahead, but you won't do it, living under our roof." 

Of course I rolled my eyes at them. I told them to fuck off. There was nothing I had that I wanted to keep here anymore. Most of my stuff was at Alex's place. So I just turned and left. 

I could hear my mother crying and my dad cursing me under his breath. But I didn't care anymore. My only regret was not leaving sooner. 

My parents hated me. That's just the way things were. And I have a home now. 

A real one. 

 

"Maggie?" 

 

I'm quickly pulled from my thoughts and back into reality. 

I turn towards Eliza and she gives me a small smile. "You okay?" 

I nod. 

"Good. Well... we're here!" 

My eyes widen. Was I really that zoned out? And for two hours!? 

It has to be the medicine. Because it was almost like I was reliving it, or... dreaming it, almost.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asks me again. 

I turn back towards her again. "Yeah. Just... a little tired is all." 

Eliza doesn't say anything for a moment. But then nods. "Well, then let's get in there. Don't wanna keep our girl waiting." She smiles at me before turning and opening the truck door. 

I copy her movements and open mine. I be careful to hop out, making sure not to slip on any ice. And because the truck is pretty tall.   
I close the fairly large door behind me and make my way towards the air port. Catching up with Eliza. 

 

We try our best to make our way through the crowd of people. It wasn't easy. The place was so crowded from love ones coming and going home for the holidays and the floor was pretty wet. So some people were slipping. 

We went to the area where Alex would be coming out of and took our seats and waited. 

I look at my phone as soon as we sit. 

It's 10:30 pm. 

I sigh and then put my arm on the arm rest. I lean my head back against the head rest and just wait. I feel so many emotions. A little nervous because I haven't seen her in so long and a little excited because I miss her so much. But I also look like garbage. From so many sleepless nights and Jamie being a baby and all and they aren't the cleanest things in the world. My hair is a mess, I have nots in it and it's all frizzy. I'm wearing a winter hat just to keep my hair at bay and to hide its grossness. I also haven't been wearing makeup for a while so you can see all of my flaws and how stressed and tired I am. I would never admit to anybody. But I can't lie when I say my self esteem has plummeted. You'd think having an abusive father and a neglectful mother would do that to you. Not to mention an abusive ex who kidnapped and raped you. But honestly it was probably the aftermath of it all. My post pregnancy body was just the little push it needed to fall. 

I try to shake the negative thoughts. I wanna be positive when Alex comes. I don't want her to see me upset and ruin everything.

... like I know I will somehow.

We guessed she would be coming out in at least the next half hour. But time just dragged on. 

"Sweetie what time is it?" Eliza asks me. After a long period of silence between us. 

I turn my phone on. I was gonna tell her, but then I see a notification from somebody. 

'Hey Mags. I can't make it tonight. The weather is too bad here for me to get home. Please tell mom and Kara. This is why I didn't want you to come out here for me. I don't know when I'll be able to get the next plane. I'll text you as soon as I can.' 

"It doesn't matter. Alex isn't coming." I say as I turn my phone off and then stand. 

Eliza looks at me with a shocked expression. "What!?" She stands up right after me. 

"The weather. It's to bad for her to get here. She doesn't know when it'll clear up. She said this is why she didn't want us to come and wait for her." I start walking away. 

I just wanted to get into my bed and go to sleep. But I know that won't happen. 

"Hey wait!" Eliza says and then a couple seconds later she's rushing up to my side. "I'm sorry. I know how excited you were." 

I shake my head. As I keep walking. 

"Did... she not apologize?" 

"Nope." I simply say. "I don't care anyways." 

Eliza stops walking with me, but only for a moment. "Maggie you are definitely not okay." 

"I'm fine!" 

"Sweetie please!" Eliza reaches for my arm to stop me in my place. 

I stop and I calm down some. 

Most of the anger washes away from my face. "I'm just tired okay? I'll text her when we get in the truck." I look up at her. 

Eliza just nods.

 

We make it back to the truck. Disappointment filling both of us. 

I know Eliza was waiting for me to say anything about Alex's text. But I was to tired to respond right now and I really didn't want to. 

I just... couldn't. 

Was Alex, changing? 

I mean I can't judge. I'm not there with her and we are miles and miles apart. 

And what would I know. It's not like much has changed inside me since... everything before Jamie. 

I just... I wish there wasn't space between us. 

I wish she was home and safe. 

Then maybe my busy mind would relax.

But I know it wouldn't.

**Author's Note:**

> Book cover for fanfic you can see here https://instagram.com/p/BcRFR6qlJ8-/


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